Saturday, July 30, 2005

The American Voltaire

Mark Twain, of course. I just finished watching Ken Burns' two-part ode to Twain. It is excellent. I admit that I have not read any Twain in long, long time - but I certainly have a newfound admiration for the man. He was, in my estimation, the most "American," American that I know of. He was much more than just a comedic-writer - he was a river boat captain, western explorer, miner, newspaper writer, stage actor, world traveler, failed businessman, speculator, social critic, philosopher, suffragist, anti-imperialist, libertarian, subversive renaissance man. And he excelled in each, for better or worse. I made mental notes of several of the more memorable quotes from the series:
Regarding the missionaries in Hawaii:
The missionaries braved a thousand privations to come and make them permanently miserable by telling them how beautiful and how blissful a place heaven is, and how nearly impossible it is to get there.
On government:
For in a republic, who is 'the country?' Is it the Government which is for the moment in the saddle? Why, the Government is merely a servant - merely a temporary servant; it cannot be its prerogative to determine what is right and what is wrong, and decide who is a patriot and who isn't. Its function is to obey orders, not originate them. Who, then, is 'the country?' Is it the newspaper? Is it the pulpit? Is it the school-superintendent? Why, these are mere parts of the country, not the whole of it; they have not command, they have only their little share in the command. They are but one in the thousand; it is in the thousand that command is lodged; they must determine what is right and what is wrong; they must decide who is a patriot and who isn't.
The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopts them.
The minority is always in the right. The majority is always in the wrong.
On humans:
Man is the only animal that deals in that atrocity of atrocities, War. He is the only one that gathers his brethren about him and goes forth in cold blood and calm pulse to exterminate his kind. He is the only animal that for sordid wages will march out and help to slaughter strangers of his own species who have done him no harm and with whom he has no quarrel. And in the intervals between campaigns he washes the blood off his hands and works for "the universal brotherhood of man" with his mouth.
There are many humorous things in the world: among them the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages.
On France:
France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country.
On life:
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
On Christianity:
Our Bible reveals to us the character of our god with minute and remorseless exactness... It is perhaps the most damnatory biography that exists in print anywhere. It makes Nero an angel of light and leading by contrast.
Good stuff. Twain reportedly challenged Teddy Roosevelt's imperialist policies so often that the President refused to shake his hand when the two men received honorary degrees at Yale in 1901. His loss. Personally, I would rather shake hands with Twain than anyone with the name Roosevelt.

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